i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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