Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
