there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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