dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
