Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
