well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
