At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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