If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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