why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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