at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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