"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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