walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
