sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
