You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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