good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
