I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
