can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
