Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
