Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
