Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish I only lived at night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
