Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
