can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
