I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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