the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
