barbara walters just said penis...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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