so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
