so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
