I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
