thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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