Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
