guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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