Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
