I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
