I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to cum in my sink.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
