yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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