i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
