Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
