shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
