the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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