You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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