I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
