Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
