I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
