So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
