All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
