Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
