How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
