Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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