last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
