sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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