I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
