I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
