I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
either way he was missing a nipple.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
