You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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