your room smells of hookers.
And success
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
