dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
