If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
