the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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